I know I packed light when I came here. Where did all this stuff come from? Amy bought ponchos for the kids and I bought a large tablecloth to use as a frontal for communion. I shouldn't complain about too much stuff. We're not leaving much behind.
So - basic truths. I've seen people living and working with very little. Everyone is living on the edge yet they manage to get by. It makes me angry about middle class anxiety. Is life so hard for us? Are we really so desperate? Yet I am not as challenged as I have been on other trips to Central America. Partly - I know what to expect. I think the difficulty for me is figuring out what I'm supposed to do about it.
I don't have any extraordinary skill to share or gift to make. I don't know how to persuade - not enough anyway. Maybe my growth is to know that God got me here and will show me the next step.
Patience - letting things unfold in God's time. Letting go of my own anxiety. I also need to be open to joy. What good things are waiting out there? What's the good news today? Do I preach this because I need to hear it?
God has offered and opportunity. I wonder what will happen next?
Friday, December 19, 2008
November 5 continued
We awoke to hear that Obama had won. I'm grateful. It was a landslide and a sweep of both houses. Now I hope the new broom sweeps clean. I hope that the aggressive media gives him the same chance they gave Bush. God help him!
I awoke with the frustration of a cold shower and a nosebleed. I know I need more time alone. Despite the minor irritations, I'm proud of myself for recognizing my own weaknesses and limits.
The trip back was not so interesting. I feel as if we are a stronger group. We are helpful and understanding of one another. We've been through a lot together. I appreciated two things today. We had some time to debrief with Bishop Ramos. We shared our mind and he shared his. He knows he has asked a lot from us. We know we have a lot of work to do. We'll see what happens. We also had time to debrief as a group. We have a lot to do but we also have to do it together.
We need to keep the goal in view. We need to use the gifts we all have. So I wonder, what's my job?
I awoke with the frustration of a cold shower and a nosebleed. I know I need more time alone. Despite the minor irritations, I'm proud of myself for recognizing my own weaknesses and limits.
The trip back was not so interesting. I feel as if we are a stronger group. We are helpful and understanding of one another. We've been through a lot together. I appreciated two things today. We had some time to debrief with Bishop Ramos. We shared our mind and he shared his. He knows he has asked a lot from us. We know we have a lot of work to do. We'll see what happens. We also had time to debrief as a group. We have a lot to do but we also have to do it together.
We need to keep the goal in view. We need to use the gifts we all have. So I wonder, what's my job?
November 5, the day after the election
I feel as if I have to write for two days. Yesterday we were finally able to do what we came for. We saw Tecusa. First a long drive. The roads were everything I expected about south America. Steep - winding - potholes - dangerous cliffs. There was wonderful scenery of the mountains. Is this a rain forest? plenty of cows and farms but exotic. We left with high spirits with music and laughter. Two hours later we were spent and not half way there.
We had a welcome break and a great lunch. The travel and uncertainty were taking a toll on me. I ordered crab - I wanted to try something new. I got a pile of rice on top of a boiled crab - and a hammer! Not fun. It tasted good though!
We made our way to the sea as we approached Esmereldas. Then we arrived at Tecusa. It was what I expected. A small, poor, village by the sea. The people have been given help by the government to own their houses - but they had to build them. The village is a collection of disarray. Some houses are finished while others are barely started. All are poor yet even in poverty there is a hierarchy.
I was surprised at the site. I hadn't realized how close the village is to the sea. The site for the church is quite small. The planned building will fill the space. The village seems to need it. It's heart is missing.
While it is wonderful that the government is helping the people to build homes - there is no help for anything else. The church would be a spiritual center but also a cultural and social center.
We took Gladys and Patricio along with us. Becky and Leslie shared gifts with the children - so many children! We met Flavio and Lukas who are priest and missioner there. Patricio showed the plans. He asked if it was OK to have one step instead of tree. In my broken Spanish I answered, "You're the engineer. I'm the priest. No se!" I'm happy to gatherthe resources but the church is for the people of the village, not me.
Evidently they want to work against the cultural tendency to set the priest apart. Good! I think that Gladys has already done that. It was clear that she loves the people and they love her in return.
I talked with Lukas and Flavio. I admit I was getting tired - not enough personal space or time. The people shared a meal with us. Langostinos and platinos. No hammer! We traveled to a hotel and wandered to the beach. That night we shared a bottle of wine and some M&M's. We're all tired. Amy and I talked with Patricio and Javier about US politics. CNN en Espanol told us Obama was winning. Then we slept.
We had a welcome break and a great lunch. The travel and uncertainty were taking a toll on me. I ordered crab - I wanted to try something new. I got a pile of rice on top of a boiled crab - and a hammer! Not fun. It tasted good though!
We made our way to the sea as we approached Esmereldas. Then we arrived at Tecusa. It was what I expected. A small, poor, village by the sea. The people have been given help by the government to own their houses - but they had to build them. The village is a collection of disarray. Some houses are finished while others are barely started. All are poor yet even in poverty there is a hierarchy.
I was surprised at the site. I hadn't realized how close the village is to the sea. The site for the church is quite small. The planned building will fill the space. The village seems to need it. It's heart is missing.
While it is wonderful that the government is helping the people to build homes - there is no help for anything else. The church would be a spiritual center but also a cultural and social center.
We took Gladys and Patricio along with us. Becky and Leslie shared gifts with the children - so many children! We met Flavio and Lukas who are priest and missioner there. Patricio showed the plans. He asked if it was OK to have one step instead of tree. In my broken Spanish I answered, "You're the engineer. I'm the priest. No se!" I'm happy to gatherthe resources but the church is for the people of the village, not me.
Evidently they want to work against the cultural tendency to set the priest apart. Good! I think that Gladys has already done that. It was clear that she loves the people and they love her in return.
I talked with Lukas and Flavio. I admit I was getting tired - not enough personal space or time. The people shared a meal with us. Langostinos and platinos. No hammer! We traveled to a hotel and wandered to the beach. That night we shared a bottle of wine and some M&M's. We're all tired. Amy and I talked with Patricio and Javier about US politics. CNN en Espanol told us Obama was winning. Then we slept.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
November 4, election day
We've been gone 48 hours and I feel like we've been here much longer. I still feel like I'm shedding layers of cultural differences. I'm getting used to living with less. It sort of makes me obsess about planning. Is this what poverty is like? Every step, every meal, every night's sleep is a careful doling out of resources.
Perhaps that is a kind of negative romanticizing of poverty. I think true poverty is a lack of choices. Therefore I am rich. Everything I have done is a choice. I choose to follow a call. I chose to come on this trip. Therefore I choose to take the responsibility to raise money for this mission.
But today is not metaphysics. Today we meet people. I'm not building a church for abstract reasons. We're building a community. The hope is that we will strengthen the communities from which we come.
So how does that work? Our people can not come here so we have to bring here-there. My task is to show the relationships I have. My task today is to build relationships. I need to make friends.
Perhaps that is a kind of negative romanticizing of poverty. I think true poverty is a lack of choices. Therefore I am rich. Everything I have done is a choice. I choose to follow a call. I chose to come on this trip. Therefore I choose to take the responsibility to raise money for this mission.
But today is not metaphysics. Today we meet people. I'm not building a church for abstract reasons. We're building a community. The hope is that we will strengthen the communities from which we come.
So how does that work? Our people can not come here so we have to bring here-there. My task is to show the relationships I have. My task today is to build relationships. I need to make friends.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
November 3 - continued
Busy day. We spent some time in the office with Bishop Ramos. He showed us some plans and we talked about the diocese and about Ecuador. We met Faustas who helps in the office.
It's cold! We weren't expecting this but we soldier on - and it's raining.
We took a trip and met people at the cathedral. It was built in the 80's and is now in need of repair. Wilfrido shared how he was there with Bishop Arthur Walmsley when it was built in the 80's.
We met Felix, a deacon who is from Tecusa and married to Gladys who is a priest who is also from Tecusa. They showed us the school and offices. There was a little girl who was born in Tecusa who goes to the cathedral school.
I was impressed by the space in the cathedral, and also at the ambition. At one time the school had 200 students. But I was also impressed by the ruin; the neglected and damaged buildings. There were empty rooms and abandoned places. It feels like the cathedral and its buildings are barely holding together. Wilfrido says that there is new leadership, but there are still struggles with old leaders hanging on. Time does not heal all wounds and it seems to take a long time for some things to die.
I feel like Bishop Ramos is tired and overworked. His spirits are good and he jokes about how much he is responsible for. He has to be a builder and a teacher and a pastor. It's all on his shoulders. There is also no doubt that he is ready to enjoy retirement.
Later that day we stopped at a restaurant that is only open on weekends and holidays. You can catch your own fish in the trout pond next door and have it cooked. We opted for the pre-caught variety. Nicely grilled.
The countryside was beautiful - deep gorges and mist and hills. The twisty roads test my constitution. We stopped at the diocesan "finca", or farm. Wilfrido lit up. He grew up on a farm and it showed that he still loves it. Not everyone in our group was too thrilled to be tip-toeing across the fields. We saw vacas and a llama. They also raise pigs and guinea pigs. They have a project to grow "tomatoa trees" (a kind of fruit). They graft the plants onto another plant so that it will produce fruit for thirty years instead of three years.
Wilfrido was full of plans to make the farm a place of retreat - a conference center with a nature trail. I observed that the bishop has to a kind of farmer. You have to grow things. You have to work hard to feed others. Some of what you plant is for a future you will never see. (sounds like every kind of ministry)
We had a long ride home with a little time in the mercado. We got blankets to keep warm. When we got back we met the engineer of the project - Patricio. He explained the scope of the project; the details, costruction, time, cost , people. The big news was that the cost just leapt to $30,000. I'm gratified that everyone there was willing to move ahead but I'm a little worried. From my perspective I feel as if support for this is already pretty soft. I don't know how much more help we can expect.
I've been through a lot today. I feel I can understand Spanish a little, and I'm grateful. Our little party seems to get along. That's good. We'll be able to work together in the future - we'll need to. I'm still mulling over my conversation with Wilfrido. What are we called to do? We're building a church. That's enough for now.
Busy day. We spent some time in the office with Bishop Ramos. He showed us some plans and we talked about the diocese and about Ecuador. We met Faustas who helps in the office.
It's cold! We weren't expecting this but we soldier on - and it's raining.
We took a trip and met people at the cathedral. It was built in the 80's and is now in need of repair. Wilfrido shared how he was there with Bishop Arthur Walmsley when it was built in the 80's.
We met Felix, a deacon who is from Tecusa and married to Gladys who is a priest who is also from Tecusa. They showed us the school and offices. There was a little girl who was born in Tecusa who goes to the cathedral school.
I was impressed by the space in the cathedral, and also at the ambition. At one time the school had 200 students. But I was also impressed by the ruin; the neglected and damaged buildings. There were empty rooms and abandoned places. It feels like the cathedral and its buildings are barely holding together. Wilfrido says that there is new leadership, but there are still struggles with old leaders hanging on. Time does not heal all wounds and it seems to take a long time for some things to die.
I feel like Bishop Ramos is tired and overworked. His spirits are good and he jokes about how much he is responsible for. He has to be a builder and a teacher and a pastor. It's all on his shoulders. There is also no doubt that he is ready to enjoy retirement.
Later that day we stopped at a restaurant that is only open on weekends and holidays. You can catch your own fish in the trout pond next door and have it cooked. We opted for the pre-caught variety. Nicely grilled.
The countryside was beautiful - deep gorges and mist and hills. The twisty roads test my constitution. We stopped at the diocesan "finca", or farm. Wilfrido lit up. He grew up on a farm and it showed that he still loves it. Not everyone in our group was too thrilled to be tip-toeing across the fields. We saw vacas and a llama. They also raise pigs and guinea pigs. They have a project to grow "tomatoa trees" (a kind of fruit). They graft the plants onto another plant so that it will produce fruit for thirty years instead of three years.
Wilfrido was full of plans to make the farm a place of retreat - a conference center with a nature trail. I observed that the bishop has to a kind of farmer. You have to grow things. You have to work hard to feed others. Some of what you plant is for a future you will never see. (sounds like every kind of ministry)
We had a long ride home with a little time in the mercado. We got blankets to keep warm. When we got back we met the engineer of the project - Patricio. He explained the scope of the project; the details, costruction, time, cost , people. The big news was that the cost just leapt to $30,000. I'm gratified that everyone there was willing to move ahead but I'm a little worried. From my perspective I feel as if support for this is already pretty soft. I don't know how much more help we can expect.
I've been through a lot today. I feel I can understand Spanish a little, and I'm grateful. Our little party seems to get along. That's good. We'll be able to work together in the future - we'll need to. I'm still mulling over my conversation with Wilfrido. What are we called to do? We're building a church. That's enough for now.
Nov. 3, Monday
It's some kind of national holiday to celebrate the independence of the third largest city.
I've been thinking about time. Our trip has seemed like a long sprint broken up by periods of waiting, kind of like playing soccer. It seems an apt metaphor for a culture. Leslie remarked how we "hurry-hurry-hurry... wait." We seem to squander our resources without thinking, even the one resource we have that is most limited - our time. We rush into life unaware of who we are or where we are going. No surprise that we don't know what's wrong and we don't know how to fix it.
We're here for mission, to do something, make something, accomplish something. Maybe the best gift is to do nothing. Maybe the most important thing we can do is be mindful. The best gift we can offer is our known selves and to accept the offer of the known other.
It's some kind of national holiday to celebrate the independence of the third largest city.
I've been thinking about time. Our trip has seemed like a long sprint broken up by periods of waiting, kind of like playing soccer. It seems an apt metaphor for a culture. Leslie remarked how we "hurry-hurry-hurry... wait." We seem to squander our resources without thinking, even the one resource we have that is most limited - our time. We rush into life unaware of who we are or where we are going. No surprise that we don't know what's wrong and we don't know how to fix it.
We're here for mission, to do something, make something, accomplish something. Maybe the best gift is to do nothing. Maybe the most important thing we can do is be mindful. The best gift we can offer is our known selves and to accept the offer of the known other.
Friday, November 14, 2008
November 2 - in Quito
I'm continuing my series of entries from my journal.
We have landed in Quito. Margarita's' sister met us at the airport. Javier loaded our luggage on the roof and has driven us to the diocesan center. I was a little worried that I would be overwhelmed by a new culture. So far Quito doesn't look much different than any other central American city I've visited.
Much more hilly!
Bishop Ramos is with us. He will show us around tomorrow. He says that Quito is like a snake. It's 44 km long and 3-8 wide.
Cecily is our cook and hostess. She made us a great dinner even though we ate on the plane - but no comparison. I am not surprised at the hospitality. I'm a little surprised at how much Spanish I have retained. I can't remember tenses, but I can point and gesture when I need to and for now that seems to be enough.
I'm tired and worried about altitude sickness. I hope the coca tea works.
We have landed in Quito. Margarita's' sister met us at the airport. Javier loaded our luggage on the roof and has driven us to the diocesan center. I was a little worried that I would be overwhelmed by a new culture. So far Quito doesn't look much different than any other central American city I've visited.
Much more hilly!
Bishop Ramos is with us. He will show us around tomorrow. He says that Quito is like a snake. It's 44 km long and 3-8 wide.
Cecily is our cook and hostess. She made us a great dinner even though we ate on the plane - but no comparison. I am not surprised at the hospitality. I'm a little surprised at how much Spanish I have retained. I can't remember tenses, but I can point and gesture when I need to and for now that seems to be enough.
I'm tired and worried about altitude sickness. I hope the coca tea works.
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