I know I packed light when I came here. Where did all this stuff come from? Amy bought ponchos for the kids and I bought a large tablecloth to use as a frontal for communion. I shouldn't complain about too much stuff. We're not leaving much behind.
So - basic truths. I've seen people living and working with very little. Everyone is living on the edge yet they manage to get by. It makes me angry about middle class anxiety. Is life so hard for us? Are we really so desperate? Yet I am not as challenged as I have been on other trips to Central America. Partly - I know what to expect. I think the difficulty for me is figuring out what I'm supposed to do about it.
I don't have any extraordinary skill to share or gift to make. I don't know how to persuade - not enough anyway. Maybe my growth is to know that God got me here and will show me the next step.
Patience - letting things unfold in God's time. Letting go of my own anxiety. I also need to be open to joy. What good things are waiting out there? What's the good news today? Do I preach this because I need to hear it?
God has offered and opportunity. I wonder what will happen next?
Friday, December 19, 2008
November 5 continued
We awoke to hear that Obama had won. I'm grateful. It was a landslide and a sweep of both houses. Now I hope the new broom sweeps clean. I hope that the aggressive media gives him the same chance they gave Bush. God help him!
I awoke with the frustration of a cold shower and a nosebleed. I know I need more time alone. Despite the minor irritations, I'm proud of myself for recognizing my own weaknesses and limits.
The trip back was not so interesting. I feel as if we are a stronger group. We are helpful and understanding of one another. We've been through a lot together. I appreciated two things today. We had some time to debrief with Bishop Ramos. We shared our mind and he shared his. He knows he has asked a lot from us. We know we have a lot of work to do. We'll see what happens. We also had time to debrief as a group. We have a lot to do but we also have to do it together.
We need to keep the goal in view. We need to use the gifts we all have. So I wonder, what's my job?
I awoke with the frustration of a cold shower and a nosebleed. I know I need more time alone. Despite the minor irritations, I'm proud of myself for recognizing my own weaknesses and limits.
The trip back was not so interesting. I feel as if we are a stronger group. We are helpful and understanding of one another. We've been through a lot together. I appreciated two things today. We had some time to debrief with Bishop Ramos. We shared our mind and he shared his. He knows he has asked a lot from us. We know we have a lot of work to do. We'll see what happens. We also had time to debrief as a group. We have a lot to do but we also have to do it together.
We need to keep the goal in view. We need to use the gifts we all have. So I wonder, what's my job?
November 5, the day after the election
I feel as if I have to write for two days. Yesterday we were finally able to do what we came for. We saw Tecusa. First a long drive. The roads were everything I expected about south America. Steep - winding - potholes - dangerous cliffs. There was wonderful scenery of the mountains. Is this a rain forest? plenty of cows and farms but exotic. We left with high spirits with music and laughter. Two hours later we were spent and not half way there.
We had a welcome break and a great lunch. The travel and uncertainty were taking a toll on me. I ordered crab - I wanted to try something new. I got a pile of rice on top of a boiled crab - and a hammer! Not fun. It tasted good though!
We made our way to the sea as we approached Esmereldas. Then we arrived at Tecusa. It was what I expected. A small, poor, village by the sea. The people have been given help by the government to own their houses - but they had to build them. The village is a collection of disarray. Some houses are finished while others are barely started. All are poor yet even in poverty there is a hierarchy.
I was surprised at the site. I hadn't realized how close the village is to the sea. The site for the church is quite small. The planned building will fill the space. The village seems to need it. It's heart is missing.
While it is wonderful that the government is helping the people to build homes - there is no help for anything else. The church would be a spiritual center but also a cultural and social center.
We took Gladys and Patricio along with us. Becky and Leslie shared gifts with the children - so many children! We met Flavio and Lukas who are priest and missioner there. Patricio showed the plans. He asked if it was OK to have one step instead of tree. In my broken Spanish I answered, "You're the engineer. I'm the priest. No se!" I'm happy to gatherthe resources but the church is for the people of the village, not me.
Evidently they want to work against the cultural tendency to set the priest apart. Good! I think that Gladys has already done that. It was clear that she loves the people and they love her in return.
I talked with Lukas and Flavio. I admit I was getting tired - not enough personal space or time. The people shared a meal with us. Langostinos and platinos. No hammer! We traveled to a hotel and wandered to the beach. That night we shared a bottle of wine and some M&M's. We're all tired. Amy and I talked with Patricio and Javier about US politics. CNN en Espanol told us Obama was winning. Then we slept.
We had a welcome break and a great lunch. The travel and uncertainty were taking a toll on me. I ordered crab - I wanted to try something new. I got a pile of rice on top of a boiled crab - and a hammer! Not fun. It tasted good though!
We made our way to the sea as we approached Esmereldas. Then we arrived at Tecusa. It was what I expected. A small, poor, village by the sea. The people have been given help by the government to own their houses - but they had to build them. The village is a collection of disarray. Some houses are finished while others are barely started. All are poor yet even in poverty there is a hierarchy.
I was surprised at the site. I hadn't realized how close the village is to the sea. The site for the church is quite small. The planned building will fill the space. The village seems to need it. It's heart is missing.
While it is wonderful that the government is helping the people to build homes - there is no help for anything else. The church would be a spiritual center but also a cultural and social center.
We took Gladys and Patricio along with us. Becky and Leslie shared gifts with the children - so many children! We met Flavio and Lukas who are priest and missioner there. Patricio showed the plans. He asked if it was OK to have one step instead of tree. In my broken Spanish I answered, "You're the engineer. I'm the priest. No se!" I'm happy to gatherthe resources but the church is for the people of the village, not me.
Evidently they want to work against the cultural tendency to set the priest apart. Good! I think that Gladys has already done that. It was clear that she loves the people and they love her in return.
I talked with Lukas and Flavio. I admit I was getting tired - not enough personal space or time. The people shared a meal with us. Langostinos and platinos. No hammer! We traveled to a hotel and wandered to the beach. That night we shared a bottle of wine and some M&M's. We're all tired. Amy and I talked with Patricio and Javier about US politics. CNN en Espanol told us Obama was winning. Then we slept.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
November 4, election day
We've been gone 48 hours and I feel like we've been here much longer. I still feel like I'm shedding layers of cultural differences. I'm getting used to living with less. It sort of makes me obsess about planning. Is this what poverty is like? Every step, every meal, every night's sleep is a careful doling out of resources.
Perhaps that is a kind of negative romanticizing of poverty. I think true poverty is a lack of choices. Therefore I am rich. Everything I have done is a choice. I choose to follow a call. I chose to come on this trip. Therefore I choose to take the responsibility to raise money for this mission.
But today is not metaphysics. Today we meet people. I'm not building a church for abstract reasons. We're building a community. The hope is that we will strengthen the communities from which we come.
So how does that work? Our people can not come here so we have to bring here-there. My task is to show the relationships I have. My task today is to build relationships. I need to make friends.
Perhaps that is a kind of negative romanticizing of poverty. I think true poverty is a lack of choices. Therefore I am rich. Everything I have done is a choice. I choose to follow a call. I chose to come on this trip. Therefore I choose to take the responsibility to raise money for this mission.
But today is not metaphysics. Today we meet people. I'm not building a church for abstract reasons. We're building a community. The hope is that we will strengthen the communities from which we come.
So how does that work? Our people can not come here so we have to bring here-there. My task is to show the relationships I have. My task today is to build relationships. I need to make friends.
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